i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
