OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
