All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
