Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
