So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
