I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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