he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
