Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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