he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
