my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
