so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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