I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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