bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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