"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
