Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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