Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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