i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
