Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
