i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
