I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
