So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
