He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
