Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
