idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
