just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
