i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
