last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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