How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
