Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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