my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
