idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
