My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
he fucked my hip out of place.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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