Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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