Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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