he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
