you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
