I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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