My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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