sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
