I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
