If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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