Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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