I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
