and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
