Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
