i think my tv is drunk
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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