dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
