the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
