There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
