Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
