Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
