Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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