YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
we're so committed to being not committed
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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