She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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