If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
