Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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