I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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