Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
