A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
