Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
