I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
