Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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