she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
