Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
