it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Randomize
